Coffee Check-In: Ambition

So today's check-in is inspired by yesterday's Daily Calm meditation on the Calm app titled Being Enough. Sometimes the timing of specific meditation themes is perfect, which makes them exceptional. Sometimes I'm excited about the theme, but my meditation isn't as insightful or in tune as I hoped/anticipated/expected. Sometimes the theme doesn't necessarily pique my interest, but the meditation practice is excellent, and sometimes it's the perfect combo of theme, timing, and practice. The latter is what yesterday's meditation and theme were for me; it was so good I listened a second time to really explore the theme and dig into my practice.

I thought a lot about ambition as I settled in last night. I would like to write more about it in an extended blog, but I think it's a great check-in topic to get the brain going this morning, especially after my experience this morning having to get my blood drawn for lab work.

Apparently, there are a LOT of us who don't like having our blood drawn, mainly because folks tend to have an aversion to needles. However, I have a very early childhood memory of several phlebotomist technicians trying to draw blood from me, and well, I apparently didn't like being a pincushion for the technician in training. It's one of those early childhood memories that's both faint yet so incredibly clear, and since then, I've had a hard time with the process. By a hard time, I mean full-on anxiety and panic attacks if one of my parents or husband isn't with me. It also doesn't help that I need breakfast soon after I wake up. Fainting due to lack of breakfast, yup, that's me, so yes, I have fainted during and after having my blood drawn. I also have rolling veins, so the overly confident technicians get put in their place pretty dang fast.

Slowly over the years, I've learned that my anxiety decreases if I chat with the technicians from the very start and don't look at my arm during the process. I may still start sweating and shaking as soon as I sit in the chair, but I can talk through the discomfort. It doesn't always help, but it has slowly eased the anxiety level over time. Trust is something else I use when I chat with the technicians, and I have found that if I show my vulnerability, even the toughest technicians will soften and ease me through the process.

Shifting my perspective that these technicians aren't just doing their job and would rather be doing something else helped with my trust. I slowly realized that by being stubborn and anxious rather than vulnerable and anxious, I was showing that I didn't trust them and didn't respect their skills and job. In reality, it's just the opposite! It's a hard job that I, in all actuality, now that I've been the spouse of a type 1 diabetic (more on that in another blog for sure!), that I could probably be trained to do and understand. Just because they're the person who "simply" draws blood doesn't mean they don't get joy and satisfaction in their job and work. Sure, there are always people in positions that are there to get from one place to another - we don't know who they are, and assuming that everyone is out to hurt us, make us uncomfortable, and ruin our day doesn't help when we do happen across these individuals.

So this morning, for the first time in a while, I ventured out to the clinic on my own, practiced my breathing, and practiced remembering who I am outside of that building rather. I didn't let the pings of anxiety take over, and as I chatted with the technician and sat in the chair, I not only didn't start shaking, but I didn't break out in a sweat. She was an incredibly sweet woman who giggled at my ramblings of understanding that it was a known, unnecessary anxiety of mine. When I told her that if my chatter was bothering her, she could tell me to shut up, she just laughed and said, "I finished a few minutes ago, but I enjoyed listening to you and wanted you to make a new, positive memory to add to your arsenal." She gave me a big smile, wrapped my arm up, and sent me on my way. Of course, I thanked her profusely, to which she responded, "You're most welcome, but I just want you to be happy, healthy, and have a great day, Mrs. Clark."

She completely made my day. And it brought me back to thinking about ambition. We get so caught up in other people's ideas of success, of society at large even, that we forget that we are the ones that define our success and, therefore, our own ambitions. It's still common to ask kids what they want to "do or be" when they grow up; instead, what if we just let them continue to learn and grow up? Why do we have to quantify and qualify a kid's ambition and speculate on the success we think they may achieve? This is incredibly limiting to our society as a whole. And I believe this is part of why the wealth disparity in our country has continued to increase (beyond the political policies that also exacerbate this).

So before we think less of what someone does to contribute to our communities and societies, let's first remember we don't know their story. We don't know their ambitions. And just because that looks different than ours, that doesn't mean it's not important. If no one were interested in being a phlebotomist, receiving the proper medical care would be much more difficult. Apply that mindset to any job we have in society, and I think our collective understanding of ambition and success would look a bit different.

Post-labwork coffee wasn't exactly different from yesterday's decaffeinato, but I think the success and gratitude of my experience helped make it taste even better this morning! And I also truly enjoyed the smell of Chris' Gingerbread Nespresso this morning. It's been a stormy May and June here in the Florida Panhandle, so the scent of the holidays against the grey backdrop feels a little more comforting - just have to remember it's actually 90 degrees when you walk outside 😜