Coffee Check-In: Peace

Another quick check-in today. I'm continuing to give myself grace, but also feeling increasingly frustrated. Since my last laparoscopic surgery for Endometriosis in 2018 and then the removal of my IUD in 2019, my Endo symptoms have been almost nonexistent. I had some "normal" pre-period symptoms that with nutrition, exercise, etc. I've been able to get under control for the most part. At nearly 36, the occasional minor hormonal acne or the urge to cry at everything because it's so sweet or sad for 8 hours is slightly annoying but manageable compared to pain so intense I can't move. However, this brain fog and exhaustion over the last few months have been hard. Typically, I have a few hours or maybe a day of mild brain fog, and I can shake it off and laugh about it later, or I sleep heavier/more the couple of nights leading up to my period but to have such little mental or physical energy for days now on top of the frustration of several days of intense brain fog can feel defeating.

One of the things that makes it so frustrating is my ADHD. While I was diagnosed in college, I went untreated until I was in my late teens. I was the high-achieving perfectionist, not because I wanted to be but because I had to be to keep up. Homework and studying took longer than my peers, friends, and siblings. I had to work both smarter AND harder. When I was diagnosed with ADHD, the stigma of "being forgetful" was something that stung even more because I'd worked so hard to create routines and systems not to lose things and be early (because if you're on time, you're actually 5 minutes late right? 😒). And once I was diagnosed, people were like, "Oh, now you can just use that as an excuse." So yeah, trying NOT to feel defeated, frustrated, annoyed, and overwhelmed all at once. While also being exhausted. While also making sure people who may want to work with me don't think I'm a lazy flake. Yay...

So - thank you, ObamaCare, cause I'm scheduling a doc appointment ASAP.

On the health and healthcare front, I learned yesterday that my uncle underwent surgery to biopsy a pancreatic tumor, and it is indeed malignant. My family in Alaska means so much to me, and I am in regular communication with one of my cousins, and I'd been hoping to surprise my husband with a trip to Alaska to explore and meet my family as a graduation gift for him later this summer. I canceled those plans when I was laid off, and I found out that my uncle possibly had pancreatic cancer a week later. That was incredibly difficult. Knowing it is, in fact, cancer is...I dunno.

I'm trying to keep my peace with these things hovering over me. And I don't know if it's peace or numbness, quite honestly, but I'm just incredibly grateful to all of y'all for your incredible support. Navigating all of this - as in the last month, not just the last few days - has been really weird, but I am hopeful and optimistic because of my amazing husband, family, and friends, so thank y'all so much.

And with all that being said, I won't lean into the coffee discussion too much this morning. Not really feeling it. But here's my coffee and a peak of Mando this morning to tide y'all over ❤️️