Coffee Check-In: Time

One of the things that is probably the most intriguing for me right now is time. From as far as I can remember, I've always had some kind of structure and a schedule. Even when before I started elementary school, we had a pretty routine schedule as my mom worked at the mothers' morning out preschool that my sisters and I attended. And it wasn't until I was in middle school that my dad went from teaching five days a week to two days. By then, my mom had returned to school for her bachelor's and master's degrees and started as the speech pathologist at the elementary school my sisters and I attended. So our schedules really revolved around my folks' jobs and teaching, which I have to say I really didn't appreciate or understand until I started college.

I remember the transition from elementary to middle school was tough for me. Despite the fifth-grade teachers prepping us for changing classes and teaching us how to use planners, the switch to changing classrooms for different subjects was stressful and having to adjust to so many different teachers styles was definitely overwhelming for me. I was good with the transition to high school, but the transition to college was another equally challenging change. But at that time, it was because of the unstructured freedom. I remember having difficulty feeling motivated to do homework and regularly attend classes.

After my first semester in college, I set up my schedules to match a public school schedule as often as possible. I had no problem taking 8 a.m. classes, and in fact loved the emptiness of campus (and the ability to find good parking!). Even when I deviated and took only T/Th or M/W/F classes, I tried my hardest to ensure I took courses from 8/9 a.m. to about 3–5 p.m.

And I also worked almost full-time (it was considered FT for my job), working 32 to 40 hours a week on top of the 12 hrs of classes I'd take a semester. Oh, and let's not forget the internships and volunteer work I did.

Time revolved around school—then school and work. And then work.

I have nearly 36 years of this kind of schedule. And I'm trying to remember what it was like as a teeny kiddo when we weren't at the preschool. I still remember lots of activities. Very little downtime. In fact one of the few down moments I'm guessing there was, I remember bugging my mom to help me keep learning to read, sitting in her lap as the evening news was starting and she was slipping into a little exhausted nap before having to make dinner. No clue where my sisters were - maybe at friends, but Dad wasn't around either. And even though I could've just snuggled up with her and napped, too, I was insistent on doing something. Learning. Being active.

Talking with my friend Kate yesterday about the layoff and time was really helpful for me because Kate has never really worked a "normal" 9-5. I honestly don't even remember if she finished her A.A. She is such a talented free spirit who went after what she wanted. And soon into college, she started as an apprentice to become a tattoo artist. She worked at a few local shops more and more on her schedule the more experience she gained. Then she began traveling to learn more tattooing techniques, skills, artistry, and history. These travels have taken her all around the world.

A few years ago, she opened her own little studio, Honey Tattoo. Today is the two-year anniversary for Honey, and she's jetting off on her yearly trek to Iceland for a small 30-artist tattoo convention where she'll be networking and learning while also exploring the country that's almost become like a second home to her. I asked her what other travel plans she had this year - she constantly travels to incredible places, like one of her recent trips to Patagonia! She said she didn't have any plans. This kind of surprised me, but then I giggled and realized, "Oh. You don't have to schedule time off way in advance. Your "vacay" time doesn't expire by a certain date. You have the freedom to essentially go where the wind takes you as long as you have the time and money." She smiled and replied, "You're gonna love it."

It's incredible to think it's already June. That the layoff happened over a month ago. It feels like it's been a lifetime, yet it's gone by rather slowly. Last night I couldn't believe it was still May - even if it was the last day of May. I've done so much. I experienced so much, Felt so much. And it's only been one month.

I think old me would have had anxiety building up thinking about how "little time" I have. And I'm not saying I'm in my new, settled state. Oh no. But I'm definitely not anxious like I used to be. Instead, I feel a sense of calm excitement, ready to experience what this next month will bring, and how my understanding and perception of time will continue to evolve.

I'm looking forward to letting go of some of the restraints that held me back, which I have fought against, but I was also so comfortable with because it was what I knew.

If you know me, you know I hate the phrase "this is the way it's always been done," but I realize while I champion continued learning and growth in the workplace and life, I wasn't fully embracing it to the ability I could. So I'm leaning into applying that to my understanding of time as I endeavor into this new way of living and working. And I have to say I'm surprised at how comforting I'm finding it.

Spent too much time on my writing this morning, so we'll get back to coffee deconstruction tomorrow - or another day when it's more on my mind ☕️ Cheers!