By definition, according to Dictionary.com anyway, balance is to arrange, adjust, or proportion the parts of symmetrically. Balance in practice is way more complicated than it sounds or seems, but maybe that's my biased experience coming through.
For me, balance is something I pinpointed as a weakness when I was in college. After I was diagnosed with ADD, some of the feelings of being off balance made sense and were righted when I got into routines with school and work, but again those take practice and are ever changing. Add in figuring out balance in the sense of mental and emotional health - yeah. There are a lot of factors!
This week I was really reminded of that. While the new job is exciting and I'm learning a lot, I'm also already on a fast deadline with high stakes; this was also the first week back from holiday break so the learning and researching I've been doing was replaced by a LOT of meetings.
In regards to life outside of work, well my husband and I are temporarily living with his mother, so we're trying to figure the balance between being grown adults and living in a space that is not ours. After nearly a month, tensions definitely got high today.
So how do you handle all of...LIFE when things seem like they're getting off kilter or completely unbalanced? You do just that - you handle them. You address them. You confront them. I went through a period of time in 2013 and 2014 where I didn't do that, and in 2020 I only now feel like this will be the year I will be able to say I've 75% fixed those issues. Some of the feelings I felt this week and today reminded me of those years. I don't know how I'm going to handle them just yet or what I am going to say, but I know it has to be done. I am good at doing what I need to do, but actions are only part of the equation when working in a professional environment and being in loving relationships.
Words are incredibly powerful; and I am not always great with confrontation because I fear the power of miscommunication. However, that fear immediately creates imbalance where none may actually come to be. As uncomfortable as confrontation can be, balance or the work to create balance is achieved. I've been living in that fear recently despite creating routines and practicing some of the things that help me push through confrontation. I've found that when I revert to fear despite positive reinforcements, then confrontation needs to happen sooner than later and maybe not in a way that we're always comfortable with per se.
Again. The action of confrontation sounds simply, but is not easy, so again I try to reinforce routines and tasks that help me feel comfortable and more confident. Even simple things like wearing a favorite shirt or comfortable outfit can help me push through. If it's confronting a person, starting off the conversation with say something as simple as "This is really uncomfortable for me, but I believe it's important to have this conversation..." helps you address the significance of what you're doing, but also let's the person know that you're putting yourself out there.
Balance can also be shifted in terms of realistic workload. Sometimes you can control it and sometimes you can't. I knew with this new job there would be a fair amount of meetings, but one day this week I had meetings from 9 a.m. until 5 p.m. One meeting was shortened and I was able to take a 20 minute walk and eat some lunch, but another meeting went long by an hour. Making sure I got outside and out of my office made a big difference. I know that I need that time to regroup and now I can schedule that into a day with more meetings or I can suggest different times for proposed meetings that arise. I know that I'll also need to sometime become uncomfortable and ask/or request a meeting be reschedule so I don't overload myself and knock myself off balance - like I mentioned before, the difficult confrontation can help create balance later when it's more needed. Think of it like the piece of sand in an oyster; if you work with what is uncomfortable, your result can turn into a pearl.
I talked about my planner last week - that is sitting next to me as I write this blog. Knowing my next move or what's happening in the next few days and week really helps me feel prepared and confident. Confidence helps balance stay on track when those hard decisions, conversations need to be made and had. I've also really appreciated having agendas in the meetings I've attended this week to be able to regroup afterward to know where I need to go from their - they become the roadmap for my following appointments in my calendar.
So what are some takeaways so far?
1) Like Nike says: Just do it - have the hard confrontation or conversation. If you can't right now or in the moment, go to the next few takeaways before coming back to this one.
2) Know your next step. Plan your work and work your plan. Know your day, know your week and know the break general breakdown of what you're getting into so you can take notes to be able to put it forward to your future plans.
3) Get out and get moving. If you're able to, take a walk. Physically removing yourself from a space or situation, or creating a place where you can be alone can help refresh your mood, thoughts and energy. Creating a regular routine outside work regularly like running, walking, yoga, weightlifting, swimming, hiking...you get it - just get moving!
4) Reflect and recognize. Like I said in the beginning of this post, I realized that balance was a weakness of mine in college. I continue to be aware of this fact and reflect in order to improve upon it. I also understand why balance can be a weakness for me, which would make this post about three times as long as it is already, but getting to the root of your why will also help in the process of becoming better balanced.
I hope to dig deeper into balance with y'all, but I believe this is a great start for balance in this journey and blog - though I did forget one takeaway.
5) Surround yourself with the person or people who help bring joy, hope and love to your life - and help push you through those situations and conversations. I was able to spend time with my best friends from high school for the first time since high school (14 years y'all!) and my heart is so full. There's a lot to do regarding work and figuring out how to live in a new family dynamic, but man the time I dedicated to some very special people this weekend reminded me why the hard conversations and pushing through the difficult situations are necessary.
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